WHIMMED.

J’accuse, or, How I Hate Scope Creep, or, You Get What You Ask For

So. I just spent a good week or so lovingly building a financial forecasting and pacing model in Excel that tracks to-date pay actually incurred vs. projected based on budget.

It’s a beautiful thing with a very simple summary page that belies the complexity of the formula-laden input sheet. The whole thing is dynamic and wonderfully easy to digest for the end user. Just add in each week’s production totals, and just like magic, all the actuals and projections will recalculate to reflect the number of weeks closed.

Except now, I have to go back and change the whole damn model all over again.

This is what sucks about people: they do not know how to scope out and write product requirements.

What happened was that the model’s users realized after the fact that not all products are created equal. Some cost more, some cost less, depending on whether said products are produced on a weekday or a weekend day.

This means not only changing the model, but changing how the weekly production reports are pulled so as to differentiate among weekday and weekend day production.

I totally understand now why software developers resent their companies’ clients. Because clients can’t decide on what they want.

Goddamn. I’m in Dublin and my small latte just cost me six dollars. Screw this exchange rate.

An open letter to the stylist who fucked up my hair.

Hey [redacted]-

I hate to do this.

My haircut is awful.

I left the salon smiling because at one point in the chair, I was near tears and it took everything in me to contain them. I’m also not one to make a scene and embarrass people. I wanted to walk out with dignity. To do that, I had to force myself to “believe” I was happy with the cut and just get out. So what you saw from me was a smile. But when I got home, I was sobbing. I’ve been like that for a few hours.

I have never before gotten hysterical over a haircut. I’ve had disappointing cuts, but I understand they’re temporary. I’m not a prissy, whiney bitch who freaks out over a few miscut strands. I put some wax in and move on.

But I’m profoundly disappointed with the cut today for a confluence of reasons:
1) You came highly recommended by my sister-in-law, whom I trust
2) I knew exactly the haircut I wanted and the haircut I did not want. Ironically, I received the latter
3) I’m going to Germany (a country that is serious about haircuts) with a haircut I hate
4) You just weren’t listening

Let’s elaborate on reasons 2 and 4 for a bit. I had this haircut before — this short, unmanageable mess that was on my mind as I walked through the doors at [redacted]. I was thinking, “Jeez, I remember that horrible cut last summer. This will not be that cut.” What I got was exactly that cut: short, deficient in sex appeal, conservative.

What I wanted was to leave the front long and pick it up in the back, leaving a sharp angle. I didn’t even want bangs, which will now take me forever to grow out again. And that’s exactly what I told you. My first instructions to you almost as soon as I got in the chair were: “Let’s leave the front untouched”, “I want a very sharp angle”, and “I’ve been growing it out in the front so now it looks messy in the back, but let’s fix that.”

If it’s possible to take instructions and do the exact opposite, then this haircut is a perfect example. You cut my hair very short in the front and your original plan was to barely touch the back. I had to push you to get you to angle my hair and put some layers in the back. But it took convincing! Why should that be? I mean, I’m the client! Why do I have to convince you to do what I’m paying you to do?

And now, my three months of growing my hair out have been nullified by a haircut that resulted from an inability to listen to instructions. It happens a lot with hairstylists – this tendency towards poetic license that borders on vanity. I know Inga is always happy with her results, but maybe you get her aesthetics. You never really bothered to dig into mine. What you originally wanted to give me was one of the most conservative and corporate cuts I’ve ever sported. It is mitigated somewhat by the fact that I got you to pick it up in the back, thank God. A conservative cut is a surprising thing to receive at a place like Salon [redacted].

It all comes back to being a good listener. 99% of the problems in this world would cease to exist if people listened to each other more attentively. Do you remember me telling you to leave the front, cut it shorter in the back, and make the angle sharp? I would bet that you do not.

I don’t want to go the way of a negative Yelp review. You guys have some glowing recommendations on there and I understand that the most talented stylists sometimes have off days. I think this was your off day. You were inattentive. You asked me to trust you and so that’s what I did for 20 minutes while the dryer was blowing cold air on my hair as you cut someone else’s. You asked me to trust you when you told me you knew exactly what I wanted without much of a consultation. Evidently, you didn’t even bother to internalize my instructions.

I’ve never asked a stylist to refund me before, but given the circumstances, I think that would be the fairest resolution. This haircut was highly anticipated and I was very excited to meet you, but instead I came away sad and disappointed. I wouldn’t even rule out the possibility of a do-over when my hair grows back out. But for now, please refund my money. I’m terribly sorry to do this. I feel like an asshole. But maybe then I’ll quit crying like a little girl.

Best of luck, and no hard feelings,
Anastasia